Before the Pregnancy

When we discovered we were pregnant with our daughter we were surprised, but thrilled once the initial shock wore off. We weren't officially trying for a baby, but were looking forward to starting our family.

Now our little miracle is two and a half years old and we've decided we're ready to start trying for baby number two. Sounds simple right?

I got an IUD (Mirena) at my six week checkup after our daughter was born, because we knew we weren't ready for more than one baby any time soon and it was the best choice for us. Then our daughter turned one year old and we started thinking we were ready for another baby. Around that time we moved 3,000 miles, from the east coast to the west coast and my husband started working as a contractor so insurance became our full responsibility. Since insurance that includes maternity coverage is three times as much as basic insurance we decided to wait a little longer.

Time went by, our daughter turned two years old and we realized we were definitely ready to start trying for another baby. My husband went about finding a full time job with insurance so we would have maternity coverage and once that was done it was my turn.

I had to find the doctor I wanted and then figure out which insurance he or she accepted. Sounded simple enough, but given that I had a c-section with my first pregnancy I had done my research this time and in a day and age where the c-section rate is something like 50% for some OBs I wanted to find a doctor with a very low c-section rate.

I finally found one recommended by a friend who just had a successful VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and made an appointment. It took 5 weeks before I could get in to see him and when I finally did I liked the doctor and after a great discussion he went ahead and removed the IUD for us.

Now we were 'officially' trying. If I'd only known what a can of worms that would be.

I got the IUD out on December 11th. I got a brutal period (my first real period in three years since I hardly had one with the IUD in place) on December 13th that came with a migraine that left me tossing my cookies like a pregnant woman that night. Luckily, my chiropractor was able to adjust my neck and relieve the pressure for me.

I got another period on December 19th. I'm assuming this was my actual period and the previous was my body cleaning out my uterus now that there was nothing blocking it from doing so.

January rolled around and we 'celebrated' the new year in fabulous baby making fashion. A few days later I started to feel strange. I had a couple hormonal hot flashes, which I hadn't had with my daughter. Then I started feeling just exhausted like I had my first pregnancy. Within a week I was convinced I was pregnant. In addition to these symptoms I also turned green at the smell of certain things. It didn't feel like the last time, but my daughter told me there was a baby in my tummy. We have discussed a sibling with her since she was a year and a half to warm her up to the idea.

Then two days before my period was supposed to come, or not come, it just stopped. I woke up and there was no nausea, I wasn't tired. I just felt like me again. I asked my daughter if there was a baby in my tummy and she said no. I believe that children are more in tune with these things and so I valued her opinion in this.

The next morning my period came. I was trying not to be heartbroken, but I was still sad. I would love to have a little boy and my daughter told me it was a baby brother. Which I found very interesting because all she wanted was a sister.

I called my husband and told him. He said he was a little disappointed too, but said not to worry there was always next month. He was very supportive. As the afternoon went on I felt a little more sad and I sent my husband a message online that said,

"Is it terrible that I feel like such a drama queen that I want you to rush home with a pint of ben & jerry's ice cream just so you can hold me and I can cry and eat ice cream?"

He didn't drop everything and rush home, but he did promise we could put on a movie and snuggle and I could cry all I wanted. He's so great. We put our daughter to bed and while I put in the movie he went to the freezer and brought out a treat. My favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry's that he's grabbed on his way home.

I was secretly worried that I had lost my boy and was trying not to feel heartbroken when my husband said the most amazing thing. He said that if it was my boy he just went back to heaven to wait until it was time for him to come to us again. It was exactly what I needed to hear right then. That I hadn't lost my little boy, but that I would just have to wait a little bit longer to meet him in person.

So here we are, it's a month later and I'm still trying to get in the habit of taking those prenatals to build up my folic acid and have all the good stuff in my body that a new little person will need from the start.